While my work has varied from higher education and the nonprofit world to government and the legal profession, my role as Executive Director of Macon County CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocates) may have taught me the most when it comes to remaining calm under pressure.
At CASA, we provided court-appointed volunteers to advocate for abused, neglected, and/or dependent children who are involved in the Macon & DeWitt County juvenile court systems.
As you can imagine, there are many emotions when it comes to juvenile advocacy, and, as a result, there are often conflicting opinions about how to achieve the best future for the children and the best outcomes for their cases.
In my work at CASA, I found that, with the child’s best interest at heart, those involved in these cases work hard to ensure that their evaluations are heard and their recommendations are adopted by the case participants and the court. This can lead to tense situations, not unlike client advocacy in the legal profession.
I often found that if individuals can remain civil and calm in child welfare matters, then they are more likely to reach better solutions for the children. If individuals are unable to remain calm, it may lead to incivility and contention among those involved, which can prolong the length of time the child’s case is open and could result in less beneficial outcomes for the child.
Here are three strategies I have learned to exercise civility, professionalism, and composure during pressure-filled moments.
Treat everyone with civility and courtesy
At work and in life, I have found that I achieve the best outcomes for all parties when I treat everyone with respect, civility, and courtesy. Therefore, I have a personal code of conduct for how I engage with others.
This helped in my role at CASA, as I interacted with many people: caseworkers, employees, volunteers, biological and foster families, children, grant funders, donors, and other community partners.
I have found that, if I prioritize civility and courtesy daily as part of my personal code, I am much more likely to treat others this way when things get tough. I have built the muscle memory and am intentional in the ways I act.
Similarly, lawyers have an obligation to treat one another with civility. The Preamble to the Illinois Rules of Professional Conduct charges all lawyers with the “obligation zealously to protect and pursue a client’s legitimate interests, within the bounds of the law, while maintaining a professional, courteous and civil attitude toward all persons involved in the legal system.”
While maintaining civility and courtesy in tense situations is not always easy, it is important for lawyers because:
- Respect is not conditional: Upholding professionalism regardless of how you are treated reinforces credibility and focus.
- De-escalation preserves the goal: Staying calm makes it easier to ensure meetings, negotiations, and hearings are efficient, productive, and case-focused.
- Modeling respectful behavior can invite the same: When you approach conflict calmly, it can lead to re-engagement and even agreement or resolution—something that may not happen as easily when a situation is met with defensiveness.
Focus on commonality
When you are in the moment — whether it be in a conversation, a meeting, or a hearing — it can be difficult to focus on anything other than your goal or perspective.
At CASA, our shared goal with the court and other child welfare agencies, if possible, was the reunification of children who have been removed from their biological homes due to abuse or neglect. We all ultimately sought stability for the children in a safe and permanent home.
At times when the parties involved disagreed about the best way to advocate for a child, it helped to remember our common goal: the child’s stability and well-being.
I can recall an instance when a child who CASA had been assigned to was recommended for a gifted program by their teacher. While it was an exciting academic opportunity, enrolling in the program would mean the child would have to transfer to another school, leaving the strong and stable connections they had developed at their current school.
As we discussed the best path forward with the child’s caseworker, I reminded myself of our common goal: the welfare of the child. I knew that listening to the other party’s informed perspective, rather than just advocating for my own, was the best way for us to reach this goal.
Lawyers, too, can benefit from finding commonality with opposing counsel or even with colleagues in disagreements on how to approach a case.
Recognizing that opposing counsel or colleagues are also fellow officers of the legal system who desire to advocate on behalf of their clients to achieve an advantageous result can help lawyers negotiate from a place of respect, potentially reaching a resolution in a more timely manner.
In fact, in the Commission on Professionalism’s 2021 Survey on Professionalism, an overwhelming number of Illinois attorneys said that lawyer incivility makes it more difficult to resolve a matter (94.5%) and prolongs negotiations (89.8%).
Stabilize your emotions
It is often difficult to maintain civility in sensitive and emotional situations. In one such instance at CASA, I recall being on the phone with parties who were struggling to reach a consensus about the best path forward for a child who was navigating emotional destabilization from foster care (e.g., attachment issues, anxiety, depression, behavioral problems) alongside a timely family reunification.
I felt like I needed some time to think before finishing the conversation, so I said, “I need to step away from the meeting for a moment,” and asked if I could call back shortly. I took a brief walk, practiced some grounding breathing exercises, and mentally re-centered my thoughts on the child’s needs.
When I returned from my walk 10 minutes later, I calmly resumed the call and proposed a middle-ground approach. The compromise was accepted by the case working agency and later adopted by the judge.
Lawyers, too, can benefit from taking a moment to stabilize their emotions before making significant decisions. Even the most well-informed legal argument can lose its impact if it is delivered in a reactive, confrontational way.
When you are in a tense situation, recognize when your emotional state may hinder your ability to advocate clearly, persuasively, or respectfully. Then, pause before responding impulsively. In instances like this, it is important to remember that pausing is not a weakness; it is a strategy.
Transitioning from CASA to my role as Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Manager at the Illinois Supreme Court Commission on Professionalism has seemed natural. And I can use many of the strategies I perfected at CASA to promote a culture of civility and inclusion in the Illinois legal profession.
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